New Strip Mall Of America Stretches Over 1/6th Of North Dakota
The Onion
April 2004

FARGO, ND—Representatives from the North Dakota Department of Commerce attended a ribbon-cutting ceremony Saturday for the new Strip Mall Of America, the state's largest shopping center to date. At right: A tiny section of the mall, which stretches from Eldridge to the outskirts of Fargo.

"This new mall brings together all the low- to mid-range franchise stores that America loves," Strip Mall Of America spokesman Henry Sloan said. "It's the largest strip mall in the country—in fact, it's the largest in the world. It's your one 90-linear-mile stop for vitamins, housewares, Christian books, picture frames, and discount eyeglasses." The dull-gray cinderblock and tinted-glass structure stretches along Interstate 94 from Eldridge to a point seven miles west of Fargo. Occupying six different zip codes, it is capable of hosting more than 4,700 stores and boasts 240,000 parking spaces. While the mall's focus is on smaller chain stores, it does feature three anchor stores: a Marshalls, a Gymboree, and an Aldi grocery store, located in Jamestown, Valley City, and Oriska, respectively.

"There's something for everyone here," Sloan said. "If you're looking for gift wrap and festive decorations, visit one of our eight Party City stores. Arts-and-crafts buffs can choose between Michael's and Ben Franklin, not to mention Jo-Ann Fabrics. I don't want to jump the gun, but we're probably going to have a Radio Shack, too." According to Sloan, only 40 percent of the retail space is currently occupied, and a full 3 percent of the storefronts house liquidation stores and cellular-phone outlets.

"We've got 18 Big Lots, 13 Dollars General, 11 Dollar Trees, and three Family Dollars," Sloan said. "While there are still a few more 'For Rent' signs than we'd like to see, we're confident that the unclaimed spaces will fill up soon."

While the mall caters first and foremost to residents of North Dakota, mall officials said they hope it will also draw tourists from all over the country, much like the popular Mall Of America in Minnesota.

"Why not make a vacation of it?" Sloan asked. "Bring the entire family and spend the weekend at one of the region's many wonderful Super8 motels. South Dakota has stolen our thunder in the past, but if you stack up their Wall Drugs and Corn Palaces against our Funcos and Pier One Imports, I think it's obvious who's the best Dakota."

Sloan noted one additional feature of the mall.

"And, while you're waiting for the mechanic to finish, you can pop next door to browse at one of the Waldenbooks or have a coffee at a Gloria Jean's," Sloan added.

The Department of Commerce estimates the mall will provide approximately 30,000 jobs in the coming year. While many North Dakotans said they are excited about the employment opportunities, some have voiced concern over the 90-mile barricade separating the regions to the north and south of the mall.

"True, it is unfortunate that people who need to travel from, say, Hastings to Valley City will now have to factor in an extra two hours for their commute," Sloan said. "On the plus side, drivers can break up their trips by stopping in at the Petco to get a great deal on a 20-pound bag of cat food—or swinging by the Kaybee Toys to pick up a present for the little ones!"

 

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